I wanted to let you guys know that Saturday I had a mental break down and nearly committed suicide. I had two big depressions at the same time morph into a GIANT one which drove me to want to puke my guts out, cry and then cut my skin open and bleed or just hang myself. Luckily, I was telling my best friends about it and they calmed me down and one of them even came over and stayed the night with me.
My depressions were loneliness and missing my mom. They became a huge monster and nearly took me down. After I managed to clear my head a little bit, I found out that the reason for that depression was because I lack of Physical love. I have no loved one in my life. I have no mom to hold me and tell me she loves me. Yeah, I have my dad and he tells me he loves me but I don't see him that much. Of course when I do I dont get to spend one-on-one time with him cause my step-mom is always there (btw guys I'm doing much better with her. She and I are civil and we get a long. I still don't like her but she's gonna be a part of my dads life so I need to deal with it. Plus, living on my own has made me tolerate her more lol cause i dont have to see her). Maybe I should plan something with my dad soon.
Tbh guys. I think another thing is that I haven't grieved properly for the loss of my mom. It's been almost five years since she died but it still feels like yesterday she was here. I still have dreams with her in it and I just need to find a way to cope. Losing a parent is the hardest thing in the world. The more I try to move on the more I feel alone and I just can't stand it.
I hope you guys don't think I'm writing this for attention cause I'm not. I just wanted to let you guys know what's going on with me since most of you don't have a tumblr and can't see my updates. I still am mentally unstable atm so It's going to take a bit longer for what I owe and I'm sorry. I know I owe a lot and I've been working on them but it's kinda stressing me out a bit which may have added into that depression monster. I'm tired of everyone waiting for me to take so long which is pressuring me but I think I need to take it easy for awhile. I'm truly sorry but I don't want to have another break down. I hope you all can understand and respect it. I truly love you all and I don't want to be another disappointment.
Thank you guys for being wonderful<3
One more thing: I'm going to be doing a bit of a "spring cleaning" type of thing for my gallery. I'll either delete or scrap my older works. If I end up deleting something you guys liked and you wanted it, just let me know and I'll send you the picture.
Thank you again.